September 10, 1978, Sawan Ashram, Delhi, India
I also used to have difficulties with my meditations. Sometimes I would have very nice results and then for months and months I would be very disappointed and almost in despair. I would worry about it and be very disturbed about it and pray to God for help. Then after much toil something would again be given to me, just a little something to give me hope and let me know I should not worry about it. Then again things would slow down and I would see very little; it was not the darkness but something like that. So again I had to go on toiling and toiling, working in the darkness. Then I would cry, “All these efforts I have been making and I am not finding any desserts. How unfortunate I am that in spite of all my best efforts I am not getting even one per cent of the desserts I expected.” I was so disappointed and so disgusted. But afterwards I learned that all that I had done was in my favor.
If I had received more rewards very easily, I would not have put in so much time; I would not have exerted so much effort. Moreover, when rewards are too easily won, we do not keep them; we lose them or destroy them. But if we are not rewarded, we are disappointed and we do not talk about our experiences to anyone. We just spend more time in mediation and more time; we go on doing more and still more. We hope that “Today may bring something better.” The third day we hope “This will be better today,” and we go on putting in more and more time.
Sometimes I would weep in my room, bewailing my fate. “The whole day—fourteen hours or sixteen hours—I am devoting to meditation, but with very little fruit. Where is all this leading me? I am going into the deepest depths of a well where I am searching but cannot find anything.” But in spite of my disappointments, I never gave up. I kept putting forth more effort and more effort and then suddenly all these efforts were rewarded. All my desserts came to me at once. All my hours of meditation bore fruit and I was very, very happy.
This is the way God often works. Our efforts do not go to waste. Everything is stored and managed by the God power, by the Master power, for our greatest benefit. We may not understand the way He is working but He is always for us; we have only to go on doing our duty.
—Sant Thakar Singh